a biker chick
i took a break in november 05
nothing in june 06
too busy in september 06
december was busy, too
february? forget about it
got lazy in may
f i n d i n g m y s e l f
october 1999. this is one of the oldest pictures i can find of myself online, and thanks to bryan and the fact that he hasn't fully removed the archives of his old journal, i know this was taken on the day i bought a longboard skateboard as a "broke-up-with-jesse" present for myself.
where does the time go?
you know...looking at that picture of me then and pictures of me now, it's hard to imagine everything that has happened over the last 9 years, because i don't think i really look all that different.
but i know i am different on the inside. this was still a year before i even ever met jeff. i still had another year to go in college. later this month, i'd fall in love with the completely wrong type of guy (who didn't have tattoos or piercings or a motorcycle, either...what a waste). later in the year, i'd get really lazy, even though i was extremely busy. i'd graduate. get dumped OVER THE PHONE. move into the dining room. start working 2 part-time jobs to make ends meet.
yeah. i'm glad that the me of 9 years ago is 9 years past. inside, i was a miserable mess.
sometimes i wonder what it would be like to have met the people who are important to me now back then. with the exception of a few people like l, bryan, helen, and my family...none of the people i care for the most even knew i existed.
how would it have all turned out if instead of 1 year, 2 years, 6 years, even 9 years later, we had run into each other in 1999?
honestly, i like the fact that i had a chance to grow up before we met.
it wouldn't have been the same.
camilles (10:31pm, 9.29.08)
t o t h e h i d e o u t !
we went on a ride with some friends out to a place called the hideout, which seems to exist purely for the reason of providing a place for people on motorcycles to ride out to on the weekends.
when we were kids, my dad had a bad dream one night that i guess made him yell in his sleep. when my mom asked him what was going on, he said it had something to do with my sisters and me riding off with guys on motorcycles. except if i remember correctly, we were riding off on the back of the guys' motorcycles, not with the guys on motorcycles.
while we were enjoying our brunch of chili, tamales, and burgers, surrounded by crusty men and women and their motorcycles, i asked l what her sister would think of her now...and she said that she would probably thinking what a bad influence i have been on her. ha ha.
i decided to bump some prodigy on my drive to pick up some new, blue hair dye, and i thought back on the faux crush i had on keith flint back in the day. i say "faux" because he isn't a particularly attractive dude, but there was something about his crazy hair and piercings and wildness that sort of represented the type of hooligan that i wondered what it would be like to date.
or bring home to mom and dad.
a part of me wanted a guy with earrings and tattoos and a certain unapproachableness. rode a motorcycle. maybe seemed kind of scary. a bad boy.
but of course, i was smart enough to know that i was also looking for a guy who would treat me right, could hold down a good job...and while it might be kind of prejudiced, hooligans and stable relationships don't really seem to go hand-in-hand. so instead of settling for an extreme hooligan, i found a guy who has a good balance of responsibility and shenanigans. no earrings or tattoos, and we are still working on the motorcycle, but i'm not complaining. :)
so i'm thinking all of this while i'm driving around, bumping my prodigy, when all of a sudden, i realized...
I HAVE BECOME ALL OF THOSE THINGS I WAS CURIOUS ABOUT
no...really! i've got all the earrings. i've got the tattoo. i've got the crazy hair. i've got the motorcycle.
so what does that mean?
it means that i am daring enough to have my own life experiences, and i don't need to live them vicariously through some dude.
(at the same time, thank goodness i'm already married and have gone through the whole "meeting the family" scenario. my in-laws have just rolled with the punches as i've eased through the years of 22 to 30. and they've been very nice about it.)
camilles (6:18pm, 9.28.08)
f e a s t i n g
one of the best parts about traveling to hawaii is the food and drink.
the served us jungle rain on the flight from oahu to the big island.
at sushi rock in hawi, we ordered green tea infused edamame.
we got a real treat when we were able to order freshly grated wasabi with our sushi. that was a first for either of us, and it was spicy, clean, and fresh tasting. highly recommended if you ever get a chance to try it out.
we had to stop at cafe 100 while we were in hilo. jeff ordered the spam loco. i got the paniolo plate.
before you head over to volcano national park to spend a day hiking around, you should stop at the kilauea general store in volcano village to pick up some of their tasty breads. the one we ate in the crater of a volcano that day was lilikoi. jeff especially likes the pumpkin, and threatened spousal abuse if we weren't able to get it both mornings we were in town. thankfully, there was plenty to go around. :)
a stay in kona means a stop at kona brewing company. we ordered some tasty seared ahi...
...and a sundae w/pipeline porter chocolate sauce and a wailua wheat beer float w/tahitian vanilla ice cream.
so the big island farm fair was kind of a bust. it was more like a carnival. but we did share a tasty batch of shrimp and a fresh lemonade before we headed out.
ever see coffee beans up close? you'll get a chance if you stay on a plantation in kona...world famous for their coffee. we actually bought some to take home, and it seemed to have mysteriously disappeared out of our luggage during the flight home. :(
romy's kahuku prawns and shrimp on the north shore is the place i fantasize about the most when i think about food memories from a trip to hawaii. the garlic butter shrimp...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
we took a trip to the swap meet and ended up buying a few snacks to tide us over until lunch. coconut toffee peanuts? delish. lemon rings? hmm...not so much.
the only new place that anthony bourdain's trip to hawaii inspired us to find was puka dog. it really was a pretty tasty dog. i got spicy lemon sauce with mango relish and lilikoi mustard. jeff got a medium lemon sauce, with sweet onion relish and the lilikoi mustard. yum!
our last dinner on the islands had to be a visit to la mariana sailing club. the food is alright. the drinks are yummy. the atmosphere can NOT be beat. blind musicians performing exotica hits. authentic vintage tiki everywhere. we were sad to learn the owner had passed away, but the bartender said they are going to be around at least until the lease runs out in five years. make sure you stop by if you ever get a chance. don't let the industrial buildings all around deter you. it really is a little bit of paradise hidden away just minutes from the airport.
camilles (10:59pm, 9.25.08)
a n e w b e g i n n i n g
fingers crossed, we set out to trade in my poor, exploded mustang. sight unseen, the dealership we found my new car at agreed to what i'm sure they thought was a steal...and at the same time we thought was a steal. i suppose that means it really was a fair deal after all.
i have never picked out a car for myself.
it was a big, grown up step for me.
everything went fine, and we brought home a brand spanking new 09 scion xb.
i'm also trying really hard to restore myself to feeling normal, and trying to be content. my husband is extremely supportive, and for that i'm eternally greatful.
camilles (9:37pm, 9.22.08)
t h e t h r i l l
if you click on that picture above, you can get a better look at me in the process of climbing up a really tall ladder. we snorkeled down at the bottom of that cliff, located at the southernmost point in the united states.
it was exciting.
not nearly as thrilling as it would have been to leap off the cliff into the water like we saw a few other kids do while we were hanging around. i MIGHT have been more inclined to try it out myself, if i wasn't wearing a bikini and carrying snorkel gear with me.
every day requires some sort of a little thrill.
or guilty pleasure.
but the best is the thrill i get from my favorite guilty pleasures. those are few and far between, but precious.
camilles (11:05pm, 9.19.08)
while tim, joe, jeff, and i were hanging out at da big kahuna on kuhio in waikiki, drinking beers and counting up the ladies of the night who went parading by (one of our favorite activities when we've got an evening to relax when on oahu. we counted 14.)...
there was a break in the karaoke.
and over the stereo came...
i absolutely LOATHE that song.
i hate that song more than any other song that has ever existed.
well, i also hate wonderful christmas time by paul mccartney about just as much, but there is only about a 1.5 month period of time where there is the possibility of it coming on the radio. which automatically makes me hate kokomo that much more.
fyi...hawaii 08 is online. i may go back in and try to redo the gallery in the next few days...but up is up.
camilles (11:39pm, 9.17.08)
t r y i n g t i m e s
you HAVE to click on that picture above to get the big version of it.
we were hiking to a permafrost lake at 13,000 feet when i noticed a ladybug crawling around on the lava rock. what is a ladybug doing 13,000 feet on a dormant volcano, on what basically amounts to the surface of the moon or mars?
when we got to the permafrost lake, we found swarms of them hanging around on the banks. that picture will come later when i get the 400-something of them posted. (i'm resizing them as i type, but expect it to take quite a while.)
and another, you HAVE to click on to get an idea of what it's like to be higher than the clouds.
our heads were pounding from the lack of oxygen, so i guess you really could say the experience was breathtaking. (ooohhhh...horrible, i know. i'm terrible.)
we made it back from our trip late last night, safe and sound, and while i'd like to say we spent today easing back into the daily grind, i can't.
these are trying times, folks.
when i got home, i had a cry, and you know how rare that is...although it seems like this year it's been happening more frequently. it was a mix of being exhausted, dispair, feeling overwhelmed, and deep, deep sadness.
the least of our problems being that my car appears to be beyond repair. and of course, just months after i blew a bunch of money on my motorcycle. aiyah.
my longest, best friend l (and i have to clarify that while i don't have many people i really call friends, the ones that i do have i consider to be in the best category...yes...all of them...and all best for their own special reasons) recently posted about the oxymoron of wanting a level of anonymity while keeping a public website.
it really got me thinking. i've had an incarnation of this site since 1996, and have kept a journal on it since 1999. sure, anything before 2005 has long disappeared, safely filed away in some obscure folder on one of our recovered computers, and for several years, this thing was password-protected. my visitor count has fluctuated up and down. i was #1 if you googled my first name. in fact, i'm still #1 if you google my maiden name. and for a while i enjoyed being fairly popular, but eventually, the number of visitors i got from day-to-day really didn't matter any more.
now i just write for the fun of it. sometimes it comes out sounding a lot more serious and dramatic than i am in real life, but it's an outlet for my thoughts that i don't really ever expect anybody else to relate to. just maybe sometimes. :)
for the most part, i think most of you reading this know me in real life. i wonder what those of you who don't must think i'm like?
camilles (9:20pm, 9.16.08)
we are staying at a B&B that also is a coffee plantation. we've got an awesome view 1000s of feet above the airport.
a recap of the past few days:
wednesday - left volcano and spent the morning/noon/afternoon exploring all the little beaches along the south part of the island. black sand beach (no army of nudists at this one). saw some guys net fishing. drove to the southernmost part of the united states. climbed down a rickety ladder to swim at the southernmost part of the united states. off-roaded to a green sand beach for some frolicking. made it to the b&b in kona. had beer, pizza, and dessert at kona brewing.
thursday (today) - visited lots of beaches. lots of snorkeling. swam with a sea turtle and a puffer fish. visited a few antique stores. continued to get tan.
my stomach has been upset all day, probably because i figured that since i'm staying at a coffee plantation, i should try the coffee with breakfast. the first place we snorkeled at, i started getting seasick, and almost blacked out on the short walk back onto the beach. i survived the rest of our excursion, and just took some pepto bismol back here in our room.
no more coffee.
the plan for tonight? the big island farm fair. how perfect is that? we love the fair. we love the big island. we can't even imagine what sorts of food is in store for dinner. :)
camilles (3:20pm, 9.11.08)
hello from volcano, hi.
i'm writing from my little bungalow in the middle of a rainforest. we have giant picture windows that open up to a thick jungle of ferns and tropical plants. this place really is super cute.
the list of things we've done so far: friday - flew carlsbad to lax. stayed with leslie and philip.
saturday - flew lax to honolulu. flew honlulu to hilo. picked up our rental jeep and drove to hawi. had an outstanding sushi dinner at sushi rock and a drink at the lounge attached to our hotel.
sunday - did a little wheeling to a lighthouse and old car graveyard. drove saddle road, and up to the summit of mauna kea. visited a permafrost lake. gave some hitchhikers from the czech republic a ride back down to the visitor's center. made it to the b&b in hilo. had dinner at ken's house of pancakes.
monday - breakfast on the lanai with old people from alabama and a couple of italians. lots of little beaches. volcanically heated pools. snorkeled in tidepools. witnessed an army of nudists at a black sand beach. paniolo plate and spam loco at cafe 100. drive to check in to the inn in volcano. saw lava explosions as it falls into the ocean. tasty thai dinner at ning's in pahoa.
tuesday (today) - early morning arrival at volcano national park. 5 mile hike all around and through a crater. gin sacrifice to pele. picnic of lilikoi bread and pumpkin bread, little sandwiches, with a view of a volcano that has come back to life. drove down a 1-lane road and almost was taken out by a nerd driving a cavalier who thought he was rally racing. visited the site of our 7 hour hiking disaster last year. saw a couple of nenes on the side of the road.
so...that's not EVERYTHING. and obviously i have some cool pictures to go along with everything we've done. i just want to make sure i keep track of where we went, because it seems like the days are so packed!
camilles (5:17pm, 9.9.08)
a l m o s t t i m e
for any of all y'alls who have never had the opportunity to take a vacation to hawaii...you don't know what you are missing out on.
great beaches. awesome hiking. nice people. spectacular food.
between work and fun, i've been a LOT of places since our last trip to hawaii. reno, nv. seattle, wa. various parts of alaska and a stop in victoria, bc. las vegas, nv. orlando, fl. tucson, az. baja california, mexico. nashville, tn. seoul, south korea. tokyo, japan. nashville, tn, again. memphis, tn. (holy cow, that's a lot of places to travel in just over a year)
all those places are neat and cool for their own reasons...but there is something about hawaii that just keeps drawing us back.
if you ever get a chance to go, please go. there is nothing else quite like it.
thanks to the wonders of modern technology, i MIGHT post while i'm away. but if not, i'll be back the 16th.
camilles (10:57pm, 9.4.08)
we were talking recently about people that we can say that we genuinely dislike.
i couldn't think of too many.
there is r who lives up the street, who was the perpetrator of many years of fraud on my friend...and in turn all of us. i really, really do not like him. we've discussed pooping on his doormat. kicking him in the nuts if we ever ran into him at the grocery store. i was tempted to throw my icee at him one time when we thought he was riding his dirt bike by us on the sidewalk (something i'm glad i didn't do, since it turned out it wasn't him).
there is my ex-boss b, who was just a sneaky, bad business man. he tried to sue me after i had to report him for tax fraud when he wouldn't give me my last paycheck. while i still ended up having to pay my taxes (i never wanted to cheat the gov't), he was still stuck owing $20k or so. ha ha.
for the most part, i don't really dislike many people i know.
but sometimes, i really really dislike the things that people do. the choices that they make.
every day, i do my best to accept things for the way they are. but every once in a while, even a passing comment not even directed at me can take the wind out of my sails.
i just pray that nobody can tell how much it bothers me.
it's all about pretending, people. i pretend all the time. heaven forbid anybody actually get a glimpse of what i'm really feeling.
camilles (6:28pm, 9.3.08)
s e p t e m b e r
where did january through august go?
well, come on, september. do your worst.
actually. please don't. do your best, please.
long, lost relatives leaving me untold fortunes or incredible lottery wins would be highly desirable.
it has been an awesome past few days.
we watched an outdoor screening of the texas chainsaw massacre at my longest, best girlfriend l's house the other night. not only did she and t host a rockin' bbq, but they actually set up an outdoor movie theater in their beautiful, new back yard.
l has been one of my best friends since we sat next to each other in summer school in 1992. to think that more than half of our lifetime later we'd be enjoying the spoils of responsible adulthood together (our own houses, motorcycles, vacations) on a regular basis...it's really pretty cool.
and on a responsible, adult note, i'm off to the grocery store. i think i'll ride the vespa.
and HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY to my dear little brother, kirky!
camilles (6:52pm, 9.2.08)