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camilles is: in love an artist a biker chick a friend a sister a daughter a daughter-in-law shy an introvert dorky silly cool i took a break in november 05 nothing in june 06 too busy in september 06 december was busy, too february? forget about it got lazy in may |
 s t e r e o t y p e s it's probably something only other half'n'half/multi-ethnic/hapa kids can understand...but i get a hoot out of identifying the ways that i embody different stereotypes. when i was staying with my sister over the weekend, she opened the blinds to clean and refill the hummingbird feeder that is out on her balcony. a fluttering caught my eye, and i noticed that the store tags were still hanging from the patio chairs. it gave me a chance to tease her about one of my absolute favorite asian stereotpyes. leaving the labels and tags on things forever...no matter HOW old and worn out they get. as if we think that keeping it on there means that it is still new. ha ha ha ha. when i bought the motorcycle, jeff insisted i needed to pull that label that suggests i read the owner's manual for details regarding wearing a helmet and putting proper gas in the tank. but i just can't.
 the funny thing is that my euro side seems to win out most of the time, and eventually the tags and labels go away. maybe when i feel like even the label can't convince me that it's still new. the finest example of label madness would be the computer monitor for our desktop. i've probably had it for 5 years. maybe even more than that. and yet, i still can't stand the thought of pulling it off. yeah...i'm a weirdo. camilles (10:12pm, 7.30.08)
 d o s e o f r e a l i t y there's nothing like paying the bills to remind you why it is you are stuck going to work every day. the good thing is that we can actually afford to pay all the bills. if we couldn't, it would be a lot more depressing. but i guess that's kind of a given. do you remember the last time you cried? you know...i really don't cry all that often, but i had a rough weekend. in the past year, i honestly can only think of two times that i've had heartfelt cries (slight weepiness during sad movies does NOT count!), and both have been within the past few months. and before that, the only time i can really remember crying was when my grandma died. and before that...probably at my wedding (which was a happy cry!). for vanity reasons, i absolutely loathe crying, because my entire face swells up, my eyes squint shut, and it takes at least 24 hours for me to start looking like myself again. but it's ok. i only cry for people who are worthy of it. camilles (10:01pm, 7.29.08)
 y u m o r y u c k ? this was what i ate the second night that i had to myself. there were tomatoes in my salad, sauteed mushrooms, and fresh avocado slices. all things that jeff hates. which is why i only make meals like this when he's out of town. :) i skipped out on celebrating pride weekend, and instead hung out at home eating snacks and reading my book. it ended up being just what i needed.
 most of the time, work sees to be all fun and games and business trips and hanging out with people i like. but then...comes the time of year we all dread. physical inventory. since my employer is a manufacturer, every single person who works in the office gets to take part in the horrors of counting pieces of things all throughout the warehouse once a year. and since i am responsible for a whole class of parts, i get the pleasure of precounting everything i'm responsible ahead of time. so it's not just one horrible day of crawling around in dust and dirty and moving boxes and counting junk. i get NUMEROUS days of it. several people stopped me today to ask me why i looked like such a slob. ha ha i'm totally exhausted, but i should be done with the crappy precounting tomorrow morning. which leaves actual inventory day (probably a 12 hour day in the warehouse) to go. oh well. it has to get done. camilles (9:52pm, 7.23.08)
 i t ' s a l l a b o u t m e jeff is taking every friday off between now and september, and has proclaimed that this is the summer of jeff. if that's the case, then this weekend (at least until noon on sunday) is the weekend of cami. with the boys camping in celebration of an upcoming wedding, this is my chance to catch up on all the things i like to do. tonight, i kicked it off with spicy noodles with duck, mango and sticky rice, and a little dexter. i turned the guest room bed back into a couch, sorted laundry, and got the wash going. i spent about half an hour doing long division...because it's something that i had decided i needed to do. had a nice chat with my sister on the phone. tomorrow, i'll be going on a motorcycle ride, cleaning up the house, checking on dogs, reading some books. it's also pride weekend, and i've tentatively planned to head down to hillcrest to hang out with leonard. but i'll only do that if i really feel like i couldn't use another night hanging around the house. so far, it's been pretty glorious.
 friendships are such funny things. you just never know when you've found a friend for life. i gave a call to a guy i had met through work a while back, to congratulate him on entering a temporary retirement as of the end of the day, today. what struck me was how genuine he sounded when he told me how appreciative he was to have had the chance to meet me and hoped that our paths would cross somewhere in the future. that was nice, and totally unexpected. camilles (10:16pm, 7.18.08)
 d o y o u r e a l i z e that you have the most beautiful face? we're floating in space? that happiness makes you cry? that everyone you know someday will die? someone asked me one time why it was i never had any real desire to try drugs, and i told him that i already feel life so much, i'd rather just keep feeling it the way nature intended me to. he told me i was very fortunate to be able to feel so much. i know i've talked about how i don't put much value into feelings, and maybe i should clarify. i try not to make decisions based on feelings, but the ultimate reason that i enjoy life so much is because of how every experience i have, good or bad, makes me a better person. i've seen a shrink or two in my life, and i'm not ashamed to admit it. granted, it's been many, many years, but what struck me by the first batch of questions i can remember them asking me was if i ever considered committing suicide. it has always been an enthusiastic "no way!" as happy and satisfied, or as annoyed or frustrated as i may be destined to ever get in the days between now and the day i pass on to the next big adventure, i appreciate every opportunity to learn and grow. camilles (5:51pm, 7.14.08)
 t h e t i m e s . . . they are a-changin' every once in a while we have the pleasure of getting to enjoy the company of our friends' niece. while we don't spend ALL that much time with her, we do see her a few times a year, and it's always amazing how much she has grown and changed. kids are definitely interesting creatures. we were happy to recently get some news that there will be a new bundle of joy on the way, very soon. (no. not us. patience, my friends and family.) it seems a little bit like there are babies springing up around us, right and left, so you know it's only a matter of time before we get swept into the mix. a friend and i were talking about kids today. he's never had kids of his own, but recently started dating a woman who has a few, and he seemed a little mushy at the suggestion that maybe he WOULD want kids. he said that he thinks he might be at a point in his life where he has done enough of the selfish "me" stuff, and is considering that he might be ready for a new adventure. it's interesting, because at what point DO you realize that you are ready for things to change completely? or are you ever really ready? and on a completely different subject regarding change... i'm kind of struggling about what is the right way to do the right thing, when i know that however i handle it, everyone involved is probably going to be sad. it's one of those situations where i'm trying to figure out if nothing is better than the weird something it is right now. the logical side of me knows exactly what i SHOULD do, but this is one of those very rare instances where i know my feelings are clouding my judgement. my feelings keep tricking me into thinking that somehow, in some way, this can work out. and then i start second guessing myself. so i'm trying to take responsibility for making a mess of things. and will try to make them as right as they can be. camilles (5:09pm, 7.9.08)
 r i d i n g a r o u n d we met up with l and t for the first official yet-to-be-named poway motorcycle gang ride. i had gone riding with them a few days ago, but jeff was stuck in an HOA meeting, so since it was only 2 out of the 3 bikes that are part of the gang, it wasn't really fully official. i managed to pick up a screw that evening, but thankfully, poway motorcycle was actually open on the 4th of july so i was able to get it repaired in time for today's ride. we rode about 80 miles, from our base in poway, up through ramona, and down to the barona indian casino. after enjoying the a/c and lunch at the casino, we headed back to pway, stopping by my work to make use of the large parking lot for a little bike trading.
 jeff, l, and t are all signed up to take the Motorcycle Safety Foundation class at the end of august. that's the same class i took back in march/april. the whole ride today i was thinking about the things i had learned in the class, so i think it will be really good for jeff and my friends to do it. t is already a good, licensed rider, but he wanted a chance for a refresher. it should be fun for them to all do it together...unlike me, who got to do it all by my lonesome. :)
 jeff is probably going to have to think about trading up from my vespa. he kept up ok on the roads we were on, but it might make sense to fix the cb350. so...yes. we are all having lots of fun. camilles (4:17pm, 7.5.08)
 h a z a r d o u s i'm definitely attracted to things that are hazardous to my health. let me clarify...not consumable things that are hazardous. no drugs. no excessive booze. no smoking. more like things that give me a thrill that have a hint of the "bad" factor. rollercoasters. skateboards. driving too fast. motorcycles. tattoos. mohawks. i guess part of maturity is recognizing that line when too much is too much. for the most part, i've been able to manage that pretty well...but every once in a while i have to stop and wonder. sometimes it's fun to be bad. camilles (5:48pm, 7.03.08)
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Jeff
hawaii 05  |